“If we will be quiet and ready enough,
we shall find compensation in every disappointment.”
Henry David Thoreau
My goat never showed up! That’s how I felt the day when what I thought was going to happen never did.
One of my favorite stories of the Bible is when Abraham goes to Mt. Carmel to sacrifice Isaac and then suddenly the ram appears in the thicket to save the day. You can almost hear the “ta-da” sound in the movie sound track as God saves the day and gives Abraham his son back. Abraham named that place, “The Lord will provide.”
But what happens when your ram doesn’t show up? What happens when you were obedient to what you felt God told you to do and there is no one or nothing that comes to your rescue? What happens when you feel the Lord did not provide?
That is exactly how I felt in my Wilderness season. At one point in the process I felt God allowed the sale of our million dollar house that the kids practically grew up in and told us to put it on the market. I thought it was a “test” to see my obedience. I was waiting for the ram to show up. People even prayed over me and had “words” that God was going to give my house back to me. We had completely rebuilt the house while living in a 24’ trailer for nearly 7 months on the dirt patch outside of our home. It was a gorgeous house– with marble, granite, our pool had a rock slide with waterfalls. It took an entire year just to design the kitchen with a nine foot granite island in a huge kitchen great room.
Many people judged me and said the house was an idol. That God was somehow punishing me for this. But we had prayed over that house and anointed that house more times than I can remember. We ministered in that house and had Bible studies and worship nights. We consecrated that house to the Lord. Why did God want me to give up the very thing that was part of our ministry?
“Okay”, I thought to myself. This is just a test like Abraham. I prayed and prayed and prayed over that house and stood in “faith” that the house would not sell. One full year of people tramping through my house to look at it, and telling me all the things that were wrong with it. Nothing was wrong with it! We built it from the ground up and it was absolutely beautiful! The roller coaster continued when we took it off the market only to put it back on a short time later. Friends stood with me that it was just a “test” and that God would bring it back. I was waiting for the “ta-da” thing to happen.
There was no “ta-da”…IT SOLD!!!
There was no ram in the thicket. No last minute rescue. There was no place to go in my theology with God. Where was God? I was completely devastated. I couldn’t even begin to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. God, how could you let me down like that? Over the next year my tears did not stop nor my thoughts cease from wondering, “Why?”
When it sold I was told “it is done”! But just as quickly as that was spoken, I felt God hit me in the chest so hard it almost knocked me against the wall, “BUT I’m not finished yet!” This didn’t make any sense. It was finished. The house was gone!
It’s been three years now and the strength and intimacy I have gained with the Lord is so much deeper than I could have ever imagined. I am a completely different person than I was three short years ago. I don’t have all the answers, but I don’t have to. I have developed a deeper level of trust that God’s got this. He said He is not finished and that is what I will believe.
Sometimes our ram does not come at the timing that we think it should or it doesn’t come at all. We feel let down by God. It is during these times that we really have to dig into God in ways we never have before. A new found trust emerges that is deeper than we have ever walked in before.
If you are in a situation where your ram has not showed up, you are in good company. Joseph must have felt that same way in the prison cell after years of disappointment. He was obedient time and time again and felt like he lost EVERYTHING, but God was positioning him for his destiny.
You may not see the ram, but God is still in control and He does see the big picture. Choose to trust Him, even through the brokenness and the pain. He is faithful and He is in control. He will come through. It just may not be the WAY you were expecting.
Will you trust Him even if your ram has not shown up yet?
“Trust in him at all times, you people;
pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.”
Psalm 62:8 (NIV)
One fateful decision landed me smack in the middle of my own Wilderness…
Though I was obeying God’s voice, I spent the next several years “walking on water,” even though it felt more like I was treading water. A Journey Out of the Wilderness is for people going through a rough time—a Wilderness experience—where you feel as though you are “down for the count” and ready to give up. Wilderness Wanderers feel as though they are doing laps around the mountain, passing the same tree over and over again wondering, “Will this never end?” However, being in the Wilderness will be one of the most transformational times of your life.