“The worst wounds, the deadliest of them, aren’t the ones people see on the outside.
They’re the ones that make us bleed internally.”
Sherrilyn Kenyon, Infamous
Do I have Spiritual Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?
That’s what I feel like I’m going through. Years ago I used to counsel veterans at a local community college. Some of the veterans came to our office with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
They would be in their college class and hear a backpack drop to the floor and would jump out of their seat, ready to hide because they had a flash back of enemy fire or an IED exploding near them. Almost all of them would strategically pick a seat close to the door with no one sitting behind them so that they felt safe and could leave at anytime they felt there was a threat.
Being in a Wilderness season can be similar to this experience.
It is a Spiritual PTSD.
Maybe you have declared Psalm 91 over your life more times than you know, and still many hurtful things happened to you during this season. There are wounds that have been made, festering and infected because of the betrayal, loss, and subsequent hurt of this season.
One day in prayer, I felt the Lord say to me, “It is a season for taking out the swords in your life…
…those things that have happened to you that have caused you not to trust Me anymore.
Yes, you do love Me, but you have lost trust in Me. Just now you are beginning to see your trust issues. There have been some swords that been lodged there for awhile – some for a very long time – some more recent.
Rest and trust Me and I will begin to remove those swords. You will no longer walk around with swords in your side.”
He reminded me that Jesus died on the cross to heal us from our hurts and pains. Jesus took a sword in His side so that we do not have take it. He redeemed us from those impaling wounds, those open sores.
Bear that sword in your side no longer!
When someone bumps into you, those swords dig deep into the wounds that are already there. They are like a reoccurring injury – and they need to be pulled out to bring about the healing that God has for your life.
God reminded me when my first son was born.
I had to have a C-section because he was breech. After the surgery the wound became badly infected. The doctor had to reopen this deep incision and instructed me to leave the wound open and pack it twice a day – cleaning it out and putting new medicine on gauze and inserting it into the deep cavity.
This is something I couldn’t do myself.
My mom ended up helping me. She packed the wound for me daily. I am forever thankful that she was there for me and was able to do this gruesome task even though it was very challenging for her to look at this deep fleshy wound every day. She did it faithfully.
This is a picture of what God desires to do in our lives. We can’t do it ourselves. Some of our wounds run deep. We can’t just pour hydrogen peroxide on it, cover it over with a band aide and call it a day.
God wants us to be vulnerable enough to leave that wound open so that He can pack it with His love each and every moment until it’s healed.
God is healing us from the inside out.
There is no need to hide it; try to bandage it ourselves.
Let God do it.
He will do this deep work in you from the inside out. Trust Him to heal old and new wounds in this intense season you have been through.
Rest in the fact that God is healing you from the inside out.
What swords are still deeply embedded in you, causing a festering in your soul?
Let God release you from that sword of hurt, guilt, or shame and let His love heal you from the inside out.
“Jesus’ wounds became your healing.”
I Peter 2:24b (MSG)
One fateful decision landed me smack in the middle of my own Wilderness…
Though I was obeying God’s voice, I spent the next several years “walking on water,” even though it felt more like I was treading water. A Journey Out of the Wilderness is for people going through a rough time—a Wilderness experience—where you feel as though you are “down for the count” and ready to give up. Wilderness Wanderers feel as though they are doing laps around the mountain, passing the same tree over and over again wondering, “Will this never end?” However, being in the Wilderness will be one of the most transformational times of your life.